Here's some more memories that cracked me up when I went through my old D&D materials...
[1st game in this campaign I had some time ago, party meets in a tavern run by a zany group of friends in a town that would soon be a disaster area]
Bard Girl: I don't trust that hooded girl who talked about honor. I think she's some kind of paladin.
Solron: That girl's hot, plus I think she's a ranger. If she were a paladin, I'd know.
Sidney: Are there any cute blonde elven guys who look like Legolas?
DM: There's a foppishly dressed blonde elf boy with a banjo who's hugging the hooded girl, who just removed the hood from her head.
Sidney: Is he cute? Does he look like Legolas?
DM: Kinda. He's more interested in the girl. The red-haired halfling named Fox brings your food. It smells very strongly of garlic. In the meanwhile, the girl talks to the elf boy about honor.
Sydney: Eew... he needs to lose that banjo.
Solron: [barf] I'm gonna kill Fox!
Bard Girl: I really don't trust that hooded girl. She's got a huge sword and she's still talking about honor.
DM: Marrq [ice devil] invites you to have a drink with him.
Tindariel [somewhat intoxicated]: I'll go drink with him. I leave my weapons behind in my room. If he starts acting like an idiot devil, I can frontier justice his scrawny butt with my bare hands!
DM: [laughs]
Casi (out of character): Oh heck... Tindariel you idiot...
[Casi had some bad luck with this deck of enchanted cards and her soul got placed somewhere extraplanar]
Tindariel: Ok, now that I have Casi's soul back, I'm gonna take her to the temple of Cai [nature god] and clean her off. [Bad idea... Casi is THE high priestess of Obixx, the god of filth, decay and undead]
Catnip: I don't trust this guy at all. He's regenerating and dresses and dances worse than O-Zone. Let's really kill him, plus the talking trees are cheering us on.
Solron: I hate him because he's Black Swan's twin brother and he's interfering with my womanizing!
Sydney: Can I turn him into a cute Legolas clone? He's got the blonde hair and the elven build!
Caol [the dual-rapier wielding foppish guy who regenerates]: I shall avenge myself upon thee! [rolls a 1, falls into the trap that Catnip and Solron built earlier]
Sydney: I don't like that parakeet guy. He's trying to steal my charmed elven prince! I'm going to tell Solron's kobold army to hunt him down and start an Empire Fried Parakeet franchise.
Solron: I whole-heartedly agree. The kobolds deserve a treat after proving themselves to be more competent than the noble guards.
Casi: I follow the old guy up to the library and copy his book. I leave him with my copy and take the original.
[Said old guy was a lich, albeit one who miscast the spell and is suffering from some embarassing side effects, including borderline senility and chronic aches and pains]
[Oskar the gnome druid (filling in for Catnip) is lounging in a hot tub in the Emperor's palace.]
DM: While you're relaxing the aches and pains, a blonde elf boy dressed like the O-Zone guys with a banjo on his back barges in. He trips on his own feet and nearly falls on his rapier. He says, "You stole Kida [ranger in the tavern that Bard Girl didn't trust] from me! I shall avenge myself!"
Oskar: I call the guards to have this idiot arrested.
Solron: [laughs uncontrollably. Little does Solron know that Xather would be a chronic annoyance along with Caol and Fox]
Blip: I cast phantasmal killer on the giant spider.
Demon playing as drow mage's familiar: So what would be so horrible to the spider to kill it?
Drow Mage: A can of raid?
DM: [laughs after rolling dice] The spider visualizes the can of raid but it shakes the effects off. If anything, it looks angrier and thinks that the fat little gnome would make a good snack.
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